These past few weeks have been physically and mentally exhausting.
It seemed like my whole year's to-do list suddenly decided to cram itself into this incredibly short timespan of two weeks. But I admit that my procascination and putting things off is mostly to blame. I had to prep for my under prepped Kiwanis competition and finish my overdue Art projects for my school's art show before leaving for Galiano... And orchestra raffle tickets to sell, rehearsals to attend (I finally get to play a solo part and I have no time to practice it!), VDSC meetings and presentations to attend.. And to top that off, PMS! I feel like this twitching on my left eyelid is like a time ticker for my head to blow up.

I have been playing the flute and performing for years now, and I annually enter the Kiwanis Festival, for more performing opportunities and scholarships. This year, I unwillingly chose Borne's "Carmen Fantasy" and and Bach's "Partita". I first watched Carmen in Germany, then in England, and never in France. It is a memorable opera, and it was one of my favorite, until these past few weeks of nonstop listening and playing of it that has made me resent it and fear it completely.

First of all, as I mentioned earlier, I "unwillingly" chose Carmen Fantasy and Partita. I really wanted to perform something that I was familiar with, due to my lack of time to practice and, well.. my desire to win. I had many other performing and learning opportunities but this was one of the few festivals that offered opportunity for international performance and scholarships. But my teacher insisted I play something new and extremely difficult for "my own educational sake", which my mom totally agreed with. These two pieces required for at least 2 hours of practice a day, time I could not possibly afford. It was irrational choosing this piece because not having practiced the expected amount of time and just barely perfecting it wasn't going to teach me the full lesson of this piece. Maybe later, if I hit a major traumatizing turning point in my life and decide to become a teacher, I will understand but in my right mind at the moment, I can't say I agree the littleset bit with my mentors for making me do this.

And to top that off, my pianist burnt her hand (I realize I sound like a total bitch making this about me...) and I had to find a new one two weeks before the concert, which meant I had to repractice the whole thing and familiarize myself with the new pianist.

It was three days before the concert that I started exceeding my usual and rational 2 hours of practice time. I was headbutting into impossibility, practicing 8hours a day, even skipping school and consuming enormous amounts of food (playing flute makes you stuff your face in food). Stupid last minute adrenaline.

Oh, and did I mention I had to miss my mom's birthday and 420!? I felt like I was sacrificing everything to this monster called limited time.
And although I already knew I wasn't going to win, I practiced and practiced.. because I guess that's what great and mindless musicians are supposed to do.. The two performances turned out to be pretty devastating. At least it's over.

..Not really. I woulda been able to say, "Finally! Fuck Carmen and her l'Amore and Habenera business, I'm going back to loving and friendly moby and britney"... if it wasn't for my orchestra. I play in the VYSO, and one of our music for our May performance happen to be Carmen. I got a solo part, which is awesome, but after this performance, I'm really gona lose it if I have to play it again any time soon.

I love art and one of my many dreams is to one day run my own art gallery and support the arts as it transforms. Just last year, as I sat flipping through Cosmopolitan, flat out of ideas for my art project, I came across a perfume ad that caught my eye, and in the act of desperation, I decided to paint it. And to Joanne (our art teacher) and my surprise, it turned out quite nice. And from then, Joanne has been encouraging and even pressuring me through art works. I could say it was from then that I really started to take interest in art. If there was one thing I regret from my Eurolife, it is having stared at my gameboy screen playing Pokemon (Yellow version!), instead of at the face of Mona Lisa when we were at the Louvre years ago.

Despite my love for art, or maybe because of my love for it, I hate doing art under a deadline, although it is the only way I can get anything done, because for me it's one of those never-perfect and forever incomplete kind of work. But because Joanne wanted to showcase my painting in our Dessert and Drama Night, an artshow our school hosts annually, this week was crowded with due dates, including a finish for my painting. And because Joanne knows my inaffection for deadlines, she threatened to kill me if I don't finish it, which she clarified it as not being a threat, but a fact. LOL.

I'm going to call this painting "the Lady in the Green Dress" for now. It was, once again, found in a magazine and I just loved the affective color and the soothing and exotic and even an abstract feel of it.
I rushed the bottom part of the painting because I am exhausted and I was about to faint and rip my painting, but it's done for now.
I feel like I should feel a ton of weight lifted off me but all I can think of is the list for tomorrow. I have two more projects to go, photography and art, and for the art project, which is done on a 2m paper, I'm praying to get an extended deadline. Otherwise I'll just have to leave without finishing it and actually meet my deadline.
And I should pack. Of course I haven't packed yet.

One of the best things about life is leaving it, and tomorrow, I'm leaving to Galiano with 13 students from Vancouver and Port Alberni to share ideas and make a video about anti-discrimination. More than anything, I'm just happy and relieved to be leaving this space right now, and hopefully this week away will do me some good.