There are certain people in your life that will keep coming back despite your efforts to cut them off. Sometimes it's scary; you're just living your life and one random reminder of them can set you off the track and make you realize that there was something so obviously missing and it shocks you and hurts you and scares you that you can, or would die to, forget them. And it shocks you even more how much you miss them because they remind you of yourself when you didn't know better. Do you believe in fate? These people make you suspect an unknown force, and that nothing's ever a coincidence. You can hate their guts or maybe thoughts of them make you sick to your guts; you'll still respect them and feel responsible for them because to hate someone means you still care. Their opinions mean the world to you. They make you ruminate on what could have been, what, where, you could have been, they could have been, and make you realize repeatedly that it is what it is for a reason, and make you realize again that nothing justifies that reason, and they'll make you stare blindly into a cloudy future. They'll make you feel guilt and anger like never before, and never know it. You'll sculpt each other into who you are, and try to forget each other ever existed. You spend your childhood together and cry because you realized you need to grow up. They'll make you gladly suffer with them through their pain, and not have any clue what for. You want to save them, but your call doesn't go through. These people exist to give and take something from you, and only you; they'll make a fool of you because even after everything, you'd still rather have gone through it with them than without. Hope. It kills you to hear that they've lost hope.
But maybe you just love them, still.
"I don't hate you, Michael, I dread you."
Feeling shitty. shitty shitty shitty day.
No comments:
Post a Comment